Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
