the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
