There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
