Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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