If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
