at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
