walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
