You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
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It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
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I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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