Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
