Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
