so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
