She's JV to your varsity
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
