You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
