How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
