Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
