Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
