I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
