yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
