Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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