Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
