Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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