Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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