between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
A+ Viking dick
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
