I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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