he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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