so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
