I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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