Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
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Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
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He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize