oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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