I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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