i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
