I'm drive I can fine osifer
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
