In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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