please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
