I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
