Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
