Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
