i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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