just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
