12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
