Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
