she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
