Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
