his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
why is half of my head shaved?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
