its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
