Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
