What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
