I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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