you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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