my mouth tastes like poor choices
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
