why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
