It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
