is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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