I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
