you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
