My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
