Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
