I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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