Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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