wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
