I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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