the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
