We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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