Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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