ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
