The maid of honor just puked.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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