my soul wont recognize me after tonight
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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