I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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