While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize