On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
this will be a night to untag.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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