he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
