oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
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He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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