i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
