Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
