The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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