I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
