I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
