Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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